Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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