so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
