We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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