Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Randomize
