I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
