Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
