Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
