so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
