I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
