i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
