After last night, I could never be a politician.
it's like iHOP with fire
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
