i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
