redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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