why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
