Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
