I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
