Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
