Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Im part way to drunk.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
