I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
