Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
