There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
