He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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