Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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