you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
