Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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