never play flip cup with pint glasses
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
