no, he came in my armpit
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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