i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
two words...techno handjob
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You did what with his pubic hair?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
