You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
