so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
