I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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