I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
