All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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