I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
