I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
