Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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