they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
