That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
