y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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