I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
