My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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