Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
