I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
