Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
