epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I have post one night stand depression
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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