So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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