oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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