she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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