gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
