Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
