i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
